Miller Genuine Draft

This should be renamed and relabeled as Miller Genuine Crap! Wow, I thought Beck's was a bad call, but this poor excuse for an alcoholic beverage is by far the worst beer I have ever consumed. There is simply no way this could ever be considered an acquired taste, unless of course, you are of the belief that you can consume anything if you have it enough. Miller Genuine Draft needs to have the alcohol content (5.0%) quadrupled before it is reintroduced into the market place. How anyone can willingly consume this beverage is beyond me. As I struggled to down the baby sips I was taking of this beer, I could not help but wonder if my own urine tasted this bad, or what the hell were they thinking during their aggressive advertising campaigns a few years back, that promoted the beer as a "manly" beer consumed by individuals who lived in the "high life."Right, the high life, even if that was a play on words or some sort of cute hidden message, it does not change the fact that the end product is utterly disgusting and unworthy of consumption. I need to compose myself before I continue to write this blog, and so will take a moment to gather my thoughts and return to this rating.

This beer is an absolute insult to even the cheapest of domestics and it sure as hell is not manly, unless being manly entails wanting to puke every sip of alcohol you consume. This beer lacked one of the most important features that every beverage absolutely needs, TASTE! Where is the taste?! I could not find it, and I sure as hell could not finish this disgusting bottle. I am not ashamed to admit that I poured out a couple ounces, I simply could not continue to inflict that level of torture on my stomach.

Final Verdict: Piss in a bottle and chill it - that would have more taste, more character, and probably be less disgusting than Miller Genuine Draft. You could not pay me to drink this crap again.

Beck's

Seriously?! What in the name of alcohol heaven is that damn smell? This is perhaps the funkiest smelling beer I have ever consumed in my life - and that's quite a mouthful since I have no less than 250 different beers under my belt. How do people drink this crap?! It has a weird taste that, confusingly enough, I cannot taste! I only taste how bad this beer is when I burp, and that after-burp taste is quite discouraging.


Seriously, why can i not taste this beer?! It's similar to drinking a tainted glass of drinking water - you know that you are consuming a beverage (a liquid) but there is no real distinguishable taste, just something that is off, weird even. That is precisely my experience with Beck's. It's hard to believe that this is actually a popular beer, that it is made in Germany, and that it boasts 5.0% alcohol content.


I am so glad that this beer is over, and I must admit that in order to finish the beer and bring this horrible experience to an end, I chugged the beer and quickly opened the next bottle that was nearby, in hopes of washing away the sheer thought of this terrible experience.


Final Verdict: Never again. Please do not consume this beer, you would be better off drinking a cheap 24oz can of Malt Liquor.

Budweiser Select

Budweiser, the "King of Beers" as they have self proclaimed themselves to be, have their version of a low-calorie beer that boasts only 99 calories per bottle. This beer is known as Budweiser Select, and it aims to maintain the same flavorful experience as a regular Budweieser, but with a fraction of the calories!


Alright, now that the gimmick is out of the way, the fact of the matter is quite simple with this beer: it tastes very much like regular Budweiser, which is exactly what they company set out to accomplish. However, not being much of a fan of Budweiser, this was an unpleasant discovery for me. The beer to me was unoriginal and hence lacked any creativity. This lack of creativity contributed directly to a weird aftertaste that lingers in the back of your throat. At 4.3% alcohol content, this beer wont even get you drunk fast, and that's a damn shame, because flavor this beer does lack, and to add insult to injury, this beer is just as filling as regular Budweiser!


Final Verdict: I will never drink this again, it simply is not the right beer for me, and it lacks way too much in order to ever make it into the maybe pile.

The Gauntlet

Tonight. Amongst all the other consumption that will take place, these six shall stand before me, and all shall fall (and then be blogged about)! This is a wonderfully silly adventure I am embarking on, a short one I might add, where I will regularly pick up a six pack of mix and matched beers from the local bodegas, and take on a select batch of beers that I will then write about.


So the six beers in this batch are:

1. Bud Light Golden Wheat
2. Land Shark Lager
3. Stella Artois
4. Miller Genuine Draft
5. Budweiser Select
6. Becks

Let's see how this turns out!

Foster's Premium Ale

I originally thought this can was Foster's Bitter, and was instead pleasantly surprised to discover that it was not. Instead, Foster's Premium Ale - an English Pale Ale, is quite good by my standards. Better than regular Foster's, the Premium Ale has a distinctive after taste that presents a much crisper, slightly bitter nature that you feel as you swallow. Now, by no means is this a great beer, but again, the sheer size of the can (25.4 oz) and the 5.5% alcohol content, combined with the pleasant taste, makes for a satisfying drinking experience, I would recommend to others. Besides, for the price of one of the oilcans, you simply cannot beat the taste value. Foster's Premium Ale provides a great "bang for you buck" ratio, and that two is an important characteristic of a beer - at least for me it is. In addition, the regular availability of the beer in local bodegas makes it a regular in my fridge.

Final Verdict: Definitely try it out. Great value import with character, clear taste distinguishing, and a solid reputation for being one of the biggest cans you can get.

Foster's

"Foster's, Australian for beer." A popular slogan that really holds no weight, but a good beer nevertheless. The internationally recognizable oil can claims to be as Australian as a kangaroo, but actually, the beer does not enjoy much popularity in Australia, which is quite sad actually. Moving on, who can safely say that they have, in the past, looked at a Foster's can and not have been at least minimally intrigued by the 25.4 oz, blue and gold, aluminum can of Kangaroo beer? To quote Kat Williams, "not nobody." It was indeed that giant can that attracted me to the beer, and I am glad that my superficiality finally came through! Foster's is a solid beer that is surprisingly good. Though not the smoothest of beers, Foster's delivers a solid lager taste and should not be taken lightly. I enjoyed this massive can of beer with a tasty steak and greens this evening, and I look forward to drinking the "Bitter" can of Foster's that is currently sitting in my fridge.

Final Verdict: Definitely a solid beer that comes in a massive amounts and can be enjoyed by most.

Guiness Draught

The journey begins here... A pint of Guinness Draught, "breast milk of the angels" accompanying a wonderful game played by my beloved AS Roma (Italian Soccer Club). What can I say about Guinness that has not already been said? It is a wonderful beer that knows international fame and recognition and is either loved or hated. Very few people can actually tread the line of having mixed feelings for the lack beauty. It almost seems as if the beer forces you to take a stand, much like the country that brews the splendid porter (Ireland), where it continues to be the most popular selling alcoholic drink of all time. Apologies to those who like to remain neutral, but Guinness is not for you! You have to love beer, specifically porters, if you are going to survive the first couple of sips and gulps - a fact that my roommate can attest to, as he currently washes out his mouth (much to my amusement). He simply cannot hang with the wonderfully acquired taste likened to liquid gold (and I don't mean oil!).

It must be said that Guinness is most definitely an acquired taste. The beer itself is heavy, thick, and carries a very strong and distinctive taste.  Despite the fame, Guinness has a low alcohol content, coming in at only 4.1%. However, it really lives up to the "meal in a can" label that discourages some from drinking the wonderful brew, as it is very filling and not particularly the best choice for chugging (not that I do that or anything). However, nothing beats sitting back and enjoying a Football (Soccer) good match while sipping down a pint of the "black stuff." The two seemingly go hand and hand, and nothing encourages rowdy behavior than some good old fashioned porter to fuel those passionate chants, taunts, and jeers.

Final Verdict: Thought not for all, definitely for me, and I hope that in the next life, Guinness flows from fountains - free of charge and in abundance.